Hello and thanks for checking out my blog. I was born and raised in Birmingham, in the heart of the UK. From a dysfunctional family, riddled with mental health and health issues, maybe I was bound, for a few, small issues myself. My father had become a temple dweller and I was soon indoctrinated, into an unflinching belief in, karma, enlightenment, reincarnation, power of prayer, chanting Gods name and living a life of servitude to the temple, as well as other, more extreme beliefs, that I plan to cover in a later post. I participated in, hours upon hours, of repetitive prayers, chanting, singing and meditating, over several years, from a suggestable, young age. Later, I suffered abuse at the hands of a family member, which began as verbal, progressed to physical and eventually became sexually abusive and I lived in fear, for a few very long and miserable years. Though the abuse ceased as I grew older, the story with the abuser didn’t end there and possibly, never will. As a messed up, geeky teen, I struggled with relationships, identity, anxiety, depression, self esteem, acne, school, basically everything, except the actual school materials, which I found, mostly, easy to understand, though much too often, not of much interest, to my then, self. Plagued by a few bullies at school, who seemed, could smell my insecurities, a mile away, I played truant about 60% of the time, with forged sick notes, I got scribed with help from a friend. I left school, with just five, half decent, grades and an unfulfilled potential. I had a few friends, who never knew, the real me. I learnt to hide behind a false persona, which I felt necessary for anyone to possibly like me. I became a people pleaser and appeased my way, for acceptance, but never felt accepted, as no one, actually knew the real me. A incestuous sexual abuse scandal, at the temple, involving a childhood friend and her ordained father, rocked my faith in the rather extreme, temple sect, that I’d been born into and followed. I withdrew myself swiftly, instead, finding counsel in Christian texts and prayers, (at least for a while,) which I had been exposed to, largely, at school. Later, as I became disillusioned with Christian doctrine, (as being too beyond the paradigms of basic scientific logic,) I returned to yoga, buddhism, various meditative, and martial arts related techniques of attaining sustained tranquility and also started experimenting with drugs, all in a belief, that if I could just break through, I would finally reach Nirvana and experience the peace and contentment, I so craved. When I found Scientology, I thought I had struck gold and fell for it, hook line and sinker and for many years, genuinely believed it had helped me and could save others and the planet. I had been recovering from a terrible spell of depression and the kind of bad luck, that always, seems to like to ride shotgun. I had been stabbed and almost killed, I’d lost my job, suffered the loss of a rare relationship. and got repossessed, from my home, all in a very short and extremely stressful time. I came across and read, L Ron Hubbard’s ‘self-help’ book, Dianetics and after reading it’s claims, I walked into my local Church, like a lamb to the slaughter. I was, a little, sceptical at first, but soon got ‘cultised’, into getting with their program and as found their tenets, aligned with my earlier indoctrination, I rolled with it, to see where it would go, afterall, I felt I had nothing much left to lose. After intensive study (indoctrination), I decided to dedicate my life to helping attain the supposed, objectives of scientology (a world without crime, war and insanity) and worked eighty-plus hour weeks with very scarce pay and holidays, but I believed that, I had found my calling and was happy for a delusional few years. The illusion didn’t hold too long, disheartened, I planned my departure. It took, more than a couple of years and culminated in myself spending over six months at their UK headquarters, fulfilling their exiting process. I’d finally, left after over ten long years, with nothing but debts, to show for it. I’d exited, with plenty of stories to tell, but never spoke, and had very little understanding of what I’d actually been subjected too and adversely, had been inflicting upon others. I started rebuilding my life and a few years later I found myself feeling relatively stable, I met my beautiful wife and stepson, got married and had three more delightful kids. Scientology was behind me and I never even gave it much of a thought, or mentioned it, too often. Until, that is, after a few more, swift years, I guess the scientological conditioning, started wearing off. I noticed my anxiety issues returning, with an vengeance, causing me problems functioning normally and going off work sick with anxiety and depression. I also, once again, returned to researching, mental health, scientology, hypnosis, etc. Eventually I came across, some, not so well known concepts regarding covert hypnosis, which many qualified and experienced hypnotist don’t usually get taught or openly speak about, as doing so, reduces their influence over others. I began to realise how, the fields of religions, cults and hypnosis overlapped in practical application. I felt, possibly, my whole life, of searching for meaning and enlightenment, had been a complete waste. At this time, I feel, I may have gone into a mental and/or emotional overload, as I relapsed into a depression with acute anxiety once more.
This led me to, finally, seek help. I found a post cult counsellor, to whom, I will be forever grateful. Working through a workbook, with careful guided assistance, I finally, experienced a ‘snapping’, out of the psuedo-cult persona, that scientology had hypnotised me into, but also, I’d connected the dots, with my many other religious and spiritual ‘experiences’ and realised that they all rely on using the same dozen or so, hypnotic and coercive techniques, coming in many guises, as used in, the occult, mystery schools, religious movements and cults for many, centuries and across many cultures. For myself, at least, I clearly, saw, at last, the mechanisms behind the diverse religious, illogical ideologies, followed by the millions, like myself. My blog will detail my journey, thoughts, conclusions and ongoing research and recovery.
What People Say
The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.Walt Disney
It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.J. K. Rowling
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.Dr. Seuss